


what on earth happened to “be gay do crimes”?

by dancinglaundry



Category: Carmen Sandiego (Cartoon 2019), Where in the World Is Carmen Sandiego?
Genre: Crack, Don’t take this too seriously, F/F, M/M, i don’t know, yeah because i couldn’t decide on anything whatever, ”gee carm! you get to date two people?”
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-07
Updated: 2020-04-07
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:08:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 586
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23523592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dancinglaundry/pseuds/dancinglaundry
Summary: During a heist Le Chèvre and his *ahem* partner El Topo have a stand off with Carmen Sandiego and her *ahem* allies
Relationships: El Topo | Antonio/Le Chèvre | Jean-Paul, Ivy/Carmen Sandiego | Black Sheep, Julia "Jules" Argent/Carmen Sandiego | Black Sheep
Comments: 13
Kudos: 180





	what on earth happened to “be gay do crimes”?

Le Chèvre was getting tired of running, the sound of heeled boots clacking against the ground kept ringing in his ears. 

He was so close to the meeting point with El Topo, if he could hold off the red rogue for a moment the two of them could take her on. But she just kept barreling behind him, her red coat flying behind her. Coming close to being out of breath and out of options Le Chèvre stopped in his tracks. 

“Carmen Sandiego!” he called out with the last of his breath, swinging his open palm out as if to stop her. “If you try to stop us you are a ‘omophobe!” 

Carmen skidded to a halt as she saw his partner El Topo, tunnel out from the ground behind him carrying a bag of stolen artifacts

“Si!” El Topo nodded through a mouthful of dirt, triumphantly slinging the bag over his shoulder with one hand and taking Le Chèvre’s hand in another. “Come on Carmen, what happened to gay rights?” 

“Nothing happened to them,” Carmen said, relaxing her stance so she stood with a hand on her hip. Her face crinkled as if holding back a laugh, “I’d know, I’m gay!”

“That’s right!” A voice called out, forcing the two out of their surprised daze.

Looking to his left Le Chèvre found a freckled fist smashing against his nose. He scrambled back, letting go of El Topo’s hand to cover his nose. The force sent him staggering backwards and Le Chèvre found himself falling onto his back, the air knocked out his lungs with a surprised huff. Looking up through his tears, he could see see his redheaded assailant lower her fists to reveal a cheeky grin. 

“And you are under arrest!” Looking to his right, El Topo found himself immersed in a cloud of gas. His eyelids drooped as he buckled to his knees. In a moment he fell on top of Le Chèvre, trapping him beneath the bulk of his chest. 

“Merde!” Le Chèvre looked up at Carmen who walked towards them to beam at the other two women. 

“Great job Jules,” Carmen hummed walking over to the small, spectacled woman holding the gas gun. She was tense, standing over the two thieves in her suit, but her shoulders relaxed when Carmen leaned over to give her a peck on the cheek. 

“And what a hit Ivy!” She cheered, slinging an arm over the redheaded girl who lit up with the praise. 

“But,” Le Chèvre began, his gaze darting between the three women. “Y-you and Gray, I thought—”

“Wow, way to be heteronormative.” Ivy snorted, crossing her arms over her chest.

“We were just friends,” Carmen shrugged, “and besides, even if we were dating it wouldn’t mean I’d only like guys.” 

“Well, uh...” Le Chèvre floundered as he squirmed under El Topo. “What about mlm wlw solidarity huh? Be gay do crimes?” 

“Crimes should be committed against the oppressors,” Julia spoke up, adjusting her glasses. “Not to further hurt the oppressed.” 

“It’s one thing to rob Colombia of their Muisca Raft...” Carmen said, stopping down to pluck the bag from El Topo’s limp hand.

“And another to rob like...” Ivy rolled her eyes as if looking for an appropriate example. “Like if you robbed someone like Jeff Bezos—“

“Are you encouraging us to steal?” He narrowed his eyes at the redhead.

“Well...” The corner of Carmen’s lip rose in a smirk. “Let’s just say we aren’t planning on being in Washington anytime soon.” 

**Author's Note:**

> this came to me in the middle of the night a few days ago and has plagued me since. i made an account just to post this idiocy because i couldn’t think of anywhere else. anyways ✌️


End file.
